


Apartment 13

by pettyclexa



Category: The 100
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, F/F, Romance, Roommates, Slow Burn, Smut, jealous as shit Lexa, lowkey angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-19 23:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5985160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettyclexa/pseuds/pettyclexa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa is searching for a place to live in the city when she stumbles upon an interesting find. Jealous Lexa! AU - university in New York. This is my first attempt at writing a fic so go easy on me! Also it's not really mature until later on in the fic. Hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stairs

She buzzed apartment number 13 three times before giving up and sitting down on the steps that lead up to her new apartment building.

Horns, sirens and the white noise of people hustling and bustling around her echoed loudly inside her head. She had to admit, this city was her home – nowhere else could compare to New York. Everything from the people, to the hipster coffee shops that seemed to pop up on every corner, to the faint smell of urine that managed to invade noses wherever it went, and to the fact that almost everyone living in the city was trying to make something out of themselves. She missed that passion. She missed that feeling.

This past year had been a rough one for Lexa. She'd been moving around so much lately that all she really wanted was to able to lie down and sleep for the next 5 years- or maybe forever. Deciding whether or not she should come back to New York wasn't exactly a cakewalk. Of course she wanted to be back in her home again, but no matter how much she loved it, she couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her that something bad was going to happen. Lexa always did this to herself – overthinking things to the poi—

"Hey!" The intercom shouted loudly behind Lexa causing the girl to almost fall flat on her face, completely dismissing her thoughts from her mind.

"Come on up! I'll buzz you in," a warm voice followed through the intercom.

Lexa had met her future, now current, roommate through an online Facebook group for NYU grad students who were looking for housing. The girl seemed nice enough although how much can you really tell about a person from Facebook messages? Lexa hoped she wasn't about to room with a psychopath or a homophobic asshat. She'd actually quite prefer a psychopath to the latter. Her history with roommates was complicated to say the least but she had always managed with what she was dealt. The girl had said that the apartment was a 4-bedroom/2 bath with every room being filled except for one roommate who would be staying abroad until about 2 weeks after Lexa moved in. None of those details really mattered to her though, she just needed a room, a kitchen, a bathroom and a nice view - which judging by what the girl had told her was nothing short of amazing.

The apartment was on the 7th floor of the building and Lexa was almost beginning to regret her decision to move here as she climbed up the never-ending stairwell of death. She told herself this was a good thing though; she hadn't been to the gym in about a month due to her constant state of moving around.

Lexa finally reached the top of the stairs whispering a silent "fuck you" to the steps as she looked around to see which door had the number "13" on it. Walking past a door labeled, "12", she could hear faint music playing that seemed to be coming from the open door right across from 12. She knocked on the door twice before slowly walking into the place.

"Hello? Anybody here...? It's Lexa from the Facebook page.."

Not hearing a response, Lexa took it upon herself to explore her new home. She walked out of the entryway to the right where she was met with a beautiful open kitchen surrounded by a long granite-topped island complete with four bar stools. Lexa could not believe how beautiful this kitchen was, she always loved cooking but with a space like this how could you not.

Looking away from the site, she walked forward toward the middle of the apartment taking in the room in front of her, which was obviously the living room of the place — there were two couches shaped in an L formation facing a TV that was mounted on the left side of the room. As Lexa walked closer to the couches to get a better look at the set up, she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the display in front of her.

A young woman who looked to be about 25-26 years old was stretched out on the floor, clad in only tight workout pants and a sports bra. She was bent at the waist in a position that Lexa could only assume to be a yoga pose — why else would the girl look like that for crying out loud. Lexa's brain must have short circuited at the site of the beautifully toned woman in front of her because she didn't notice the girl's head start to turn around and her eyes widening at the site of a stranger in her apartment.

"Oh my god! What are you doing in my apartment? Have you ever heard of knocking for Christ sake!? Who are you!?"

"Oh shit I'm so sorry! I'm Lexa… We talked on Facebook remember? I just buzzed your apartment downstairs, I thought you knew that was me?" Lexa's blood was pumping faster than ever, she really did not mean to perv on her new roommate but how the hell did the girl not know that she was coming up? She buzzed Lexa in herself!

"Wait a minute, you are Lexa? Oh wow you look a lot different from your pictures on Facebook. I'm really sorry I guess I chose the absolute worst time to get a quick yoga sesh in," the girl laughed uncomfortably as she frantically searched for her shirt that seemed to have conveniently walked away from her. As if anything else could make this situation more awkward.

"Yeah sorry about that, my friend Anya basically made my profile so the pictures on there are mostly her trying to look hot; she's a lot more into the social scene than I am."

"Ok, that explains a lot. Anyway, sorry about the lack of hosting skills on my part, I honestly thought you were our other roommate when you buzzed. What am I even talking about hosting for, this is your place now too! Raven, the roommate I thought was you at the door, is at work right now so I guess you'll just have to deal with me for the time being. I don't know if you remember or not from Facebook but my name is Niylah." The girl smiled at Lexa and held her hand out,

"It's nice to finally meet you."

Lexa smiled wearily back at Niylah before extending her own hand out, she was still slightly in shock over how much of an ass she had already made out of herself today.

"Yeah it's really nice to meet you too," she shot a brief smile at the other girl before changing the subject at an attempt to forget about all that had just taken place. "So…this place is pretty amazing. I can't believe you actually had a room available."

"I mean to be completely honest about the whole thing, you got pretty lucky with that. Octavia, our ex roommate just moved in with her boyfriend, Lincoln, so we've really been scrambling to find another girl for the place." Niylah walked over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, that yoga session – despite the fact that it was cut rather short – kicked her ass. Looking over at Lexa, she couldn't shake the feeling that she knew this girl, she could have sworn that she'd seen her somewhere. Before Niylah can offer Lexa anything to drink, she hears the sound of keys jingling outside the apartment door and –

"Nye get your ass over here! Look who I found outside meowing and wantin' some love and attention from lil' ole Rave—

...Lexa?"

Lexa hears the girl before she sees her and knows exactly who she is.

The tall brunette freezes. If she thought her brain was a pile of mush before, she was almost 100% positive that every muscle in her body had just ceased functioning.

"What the fuck Lexa!? What the are you doing here? You said you were never coming back to New York.

If you're looking for her, she's not here. You're the last person she wants to see." Raven sneered at the brown-haired girl who was still standing by the couch, her eyes barely able to look up and meet the gaze of the seething girl in front of her.

How the fuck did this happen to her.

She needed to find a way out of this. Fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys :) I'd love to know your thoughts about the story and what you think about it so far. This is my first fic that I've ever written so don't expect top notch writing haha. I'll try and update as often as possible but I am in school and I work a lot so it might be at least a week before I update chapters.


	2. This Must Be a Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awkwardness ensues

_Opening her heavy lidded eyes, Lexa yawned and turned her attention to the mess of blonde hair that was currently taking up residence on her left arm. She stretched ever so slowly not wanting to wake up the sleeping princess. The brunette haired girl was dying for a cup of coffee but the sight of her girlfriend next to her had her struggling to remember what the hell coffee even was. How had she gotten so lucky?_

_"Stop staring at me you weirdo," the blonde whispered into the crook of Lexa's neck._

_"I'm sorry that's one thing I cannot do." Lexa had the silliest of smiles plastered on her face watching her girlfriend try and come up with a smart comeback while still half asleep. "So you're just gonna let me keep creepin' on you? Because I'm perfectly okay with that."_

_Clarke opened her mouth to say something but instead chose to softly bite and kiss the pulse point on her girlfriend's neck. "Mm you taste exactly like a rude girlfriend would taste." Her eyes peered open waiting for the brunette to retort but instead saw the girl looking down at her with dark forest green eyes. Clarke couldn't help but bite her bottom lip at the sudden change of atmosphere in the room._

_"Kiss me there again or I'm not cooking you breakfast."_

_"Who says you're the boss?"_

_"Kiss. Me. There. Again." Lexa raised her eyebrow and gave Clarke a look that sent all the blood from her head rushing down south. She slowly straddled the brunette taking both of her wrists in her hands and pinning them down hard on the sheets._

_"No one tells me what to do, Commander." Clarke rolled her hips down into Lexa letting a moan escape her lips as she watched the girl beneath her struggle to keep composure._

_"You don't like being confined by me Lexa?" the blonde whispered into her ear, taking her tongue and licking up Lexa's neck to her ear - biting down on the soft flesh._

_"Fuuuuck Claarke please," she begged._

_"Please what Lexa?"_

_"Please fuck m—_

_"What's up dorks!" Raven bust through the door with a bagel in hand. "Oh MY god! No! My eyes! Ew! Why? Cover up Griffin! Lexa! I thought you were better than this!"_

_Clarke and Lexa tried to contain their laughter at the sputtering girl but were failing miserably. "Rae this is completely your fault. Why would you come in without knocking?"_

_"I thought you guys would be asleep like normal people! I heard you going at it last night, jesus, do you two ever stop banging?"_

_"No." They both replied in unison._

_"Gross." Raven rolled her eyes at her two friends and walked out muttering something about just trying to enjoy her damn bagel._

_Clarke and Lexa both burst into laughter hearing the girl's mumbled complaints._

_"She's never going to eat a bagel again."_

_"Of course she is, it's Raven, Clarke. I think she would pick food over both of us any day."_

_"True." She agreed and placed a kiss on the brunette's pouty lips she loved so much. "I love you," she said as she smiled against her lips._

_"I love you too pretty girl."_

* * *

 

"Okay. What's going on?" Niylah had never seen her roommate this angry before. "Raven?" The girl still not responing to Niylah's confusion. Raven was more intent on locking hateful eyes with the brunette by the couch.

This was not how today was supposed to go.

"You have two minutes to get out of my apartment or I'll throw you out myself. I don't care that I have a broken leg. What the hell were you thinking coming here looking for her? Lexa! L-lexa?" Raven tried to hide the hurt in her voice but she couldn't help it, Lexa had been her friend too and with everything that happened, she too had lost someone that she loved.

"Raven..."

"Oh don't 'Raven' me. Just spit it out."

"Listen. I didn't come here looking for her. I had no idea this was even your apartment. I moved back to the city a month ago and I've been bouncing around looking for a place to live since then. Niylah saw my post that I made on Facebook and offered me the empty room you have here. I swear I never wanted to see you or Clarke." She didn't mean for that sentence to sound so harsh coming out of her mouth but it did and she lowered her head to avoid the glare Raven was sending her way.

"Yeah well I never meant to see the asshole who hurt my best friend." Raven was so mad she didn't even realize what Lexa was saying when she mentioned her getting Octavia's room. "Wait a second. What is going on? Niylah, you found another roommate without telling me who it was?"

The girl who was still currently in the kitchen looked up at her roommate and was more than a little frightened by the look in her eyes. "Umm...Raven...I did tell you about Lexa but you were drunk and yelling at me to find someone fast so we quote 'Don't have to take our broke asses onto the street and live in a box'." Niylah smirked at the embarrassed look that Raven tried quickly to cover up. "I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you more about it when you were sober but you've been at work a lot lately and I thought we could use another roommate around here to help clean and keep it lively, especially with Clarke being abroad."

Fuck. Did Lexa hear the girl right? Did she just say that Clarke was studying abroad? Fuck. Fuck Fuck. This must be a nightmare. This is a nightmare and Lexa would wake up any second. Come on. COME ON. Wake the fuck UP already! Lexa closed her eyes trying desperately to rid herself of this situation.

When she opened her eyes again she was staring at the ceiling. She could feel something soft underneath her and realized she was definitely on a couch. The couch that she was just a second ago leaning up against and trying to avoid her ex-girlfriend's best friend's stare. Oh god. This was certainly not a nightmare.

Of course in this big of a city Lexa would find the one apartment that both her ex-girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend's best friend live. If she hadn't already signed the lease, she wouldn't be freaking out so much, but this was bad.

"Hey. Here." Raven said as she handed Lexa a glass of water, trying not to look at the brunette. "You fainted."

That explains why Lexa's head feels like someone had taken a rock and dropped it on her.

"Thanks." The brunette downed the entire glass in under 5 seconds. Wow. She really needs to take better care of herself. How long has it been since she's had a meal? Shaking away her thoughts she looked over to the girl sitting next to her. "Raven, I don't even know what to say. I never meant for this to happen."

"Honestly Lexa, I don't care about anything you say. As long as you're gone before Clarke gets back I really couldn't care less about you." And with that Raven walked off into a room that Lexa assumed had to be hers.

Well this was a great start.

* * *

 

Later that evening Lexa sat on her new bed she had delivered up to the seventh floor. It all seemed so pointless now. She would have to move out in two weeks anyway and now she was right back at square one. Lexa was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't notice the tall girl standing in her doorway.

"Lexa." Niylah said softly, startling the girl on the bed. "Hey, I'm really sorry about what happened out there but to be honest I don't have any idea what either of you were talking about. Care to shed some light on this for me?"

The brunette sighed. What was there even to say? That she was madly in love with Niylah's roommate for three years? That she destroyed that love because of a stupid mistake that happened over a year ago? How could she tell this girl what happened when she didn't even want to let herself think about it.

Sensing the hesitation in Lexa's sigh, Niylah decided to give the girl some space. At least for a few days. But she would figure out what happened. She needed to know. She needed to know because this girl had something to do with Clarke. The girl that she's been falling for.

She had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke will come soon, don't worry!


	3. Chapter 3

Two days after Lexa had moved into Apartment 13 she finally started looking for a roommate to replace her. She more than anyone, wanted nothing more than to escape her current situation. Not that Lexa didn't love Raven's death glare that seemed to follow her wherever she went, but it was time to start looking for something else.

After hours and hours of searching Facebook posts, Craigslist listings, and newspaper listings Lexa was still at a dead end. She decided that a walk would be good for her and may even clear her head a little, if that was possible.

The brunette walked down the sidewalk trying to rid her mind of the past 48 hours. She watched the people passing her by and wondered what they were thinking; wondered what they were going through right now in their lives. She spotted a family of four across the street giggling and smiling together – Lexa missed that feeling of blissful happiness, she missed how easy it felt. The only person that had ever really made her feel that way, hated her. It was impossible. Impossible to be in this city and not think of her face. Her flawless face that Lexa had kissed so many times before. Rosy lips that weaved words together seamlessly as they spoke; eyes so blue Lexa felt as though she was high in the sky each time she lost herself in them.

Lexa shook her head free of the blonde. Thinking about her helped no one. Not to mention, if Raven knew what she was thinking she would most likely be murdered in her sleep tonight.

She walked for another twenty minutes before she found herself in a familiar little coffee shop. After ordering her latte Lexa looked around soaking up the cozy feel of the place, she hadn't been here in years. She used to come here almost every day after her lectures to study.

* * *

 

_"I have a medium chai tea latte here for Clarke!"_

_"Thank you!" The blonde replied as she grabbed her drink and started to make her way out of the coffee shop. She opened the door while trying to grab her headphones out of her bag, "come on where the hell are you," she snapped at her bag growing more and more irritated with herself as she dug deeper into her backpack. She finally felt the cord at the bottom of her bag, "Yes! Thank god," she whispered to herself as she started to pull them out. Stepping out of the cafe Clarke turned to her left not noticing the girl walking toward her—_

_"Ow fuck! Jesus blondie watch where you're going! Wow oh my god this is really hot." The brunette headed girl yelled as she stood there drenched in Clarke's chai tea latte._

_"Oh my god I am so sorry! Hold on let me get you some napkins!" The blonde ran back into the cafe fetching napkins and some water to try and get the drink out of the girl's shirt._

_"Here you go. I am really sorry, I was looking for my headphones and I didn't see you, you'd think I would have seen you because you're very beautiful and wow I guess I was just in a rush or something I don't usually run into people like this ya know? It's been a really long week and I have been busy with school -"_

_"Blondie! Stop rambling. I'll be fine. Just leave me with the napkins and you can be on your way." Lexa snapped at the girl, not meaning to be so harsh but what the hell, this was her favorite shirt and she still had her last lecture of the day in an hour._

_"Oh okay. Well I'm really sorry..." Clarke looked down at her feet feeling like she had just been kicked in the gut. Why did she care so much about spilling her drink on this girl? She'd done it plenty of times before, she wasn't exactly the most observant type when it came to walking on the streets of the city, but she didn't want to admit that to this stranger._

_The brunette studied Clarke up and down. Despite the fact that Lexa was currently soaked from the waist down, something about the girl in front of her made her smile. She hadn't taken the time to look at the blonde before because she was pissed that her shirt was ruined. "Hey. I'm not mad; it's just been a long day ya know? I'll be fine."_

_"Are you sure? I mean I would be mad if my pants and underwear were wet and sticky._

_The brunette stood there smirking at the girl in front of her._

_"What? Why are you smirki- oh." Clarke's face turned a deep hue of red when she realized what she said. "Fuck oh my god that's not what I meant. Ugh this just keeps getting worse and worse for me doesn't it? I swear I'm actually a normal human being, this is some alternate version of myself."_

_"I mean I wouldn't be mad if my underwear was wet for a different reason."_

_Clarke's jaw dropped at the brunette's response. Wow, well this girl was forward._

_"I meant I wouldn't be mad if I were wet because I want to go swimming. Geez blondie. Get your head out of the gutter." Lexa chuckled to herself as she watched the girl attempt to come up with a response._

_Clarke eventually gave up and replied simply with, "You're crazy."_

_"No, I'm Lexa. I do know a Crazy though. You probably wouldn't want to meet him..."_

_"Okay now I don't feel bad for spilling my drink on you."_

_"Oh come on blondie! Have some fun, see you're already smiling."_

_"Shut up no I'm not. Technically, I should be mad at you. You cost me $4.50." Clarke smirked at the taller girl. Two could play at this game._

_"Hmm. Well if it's money you're worried about, I can make it up to you by buying you dinner. Friday night?"_

_The blonde was taken back by the offer. She had no idea that the brunette was interested in girls, especially when the girl was Clarke. "Umm I would love to - oh wait. I can't actually. I kind of have a boyfriend…"_

_"So? Who said I was into you like that, I was just trying to be nice but okay."_

_"Oh! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed..." Clarke looked down in embarrassment hiding her disappointed face from the beautiful girl._

_"It's okay blondie, I forgive you. Well maybe I'll see you around sometime. Try not to drench anyone else today. Most people aren't as nice as me."_

_"Well no one else who I've spilled on before has ever offered me dinner so I guess you're right," Clarke laughed softly causing the brunette's lips to curl into a smile._

_"See? Too bad you think I'm into you then. You're missing out on free food. Who would do that to themselves?"_

_"How bout you buy me coffee sometime then? Is that a good compromise?"_

_"Name the time, princess."_

_"So it's 'princess' now, huh?"_

_"Hey you're the one who ordered a chai tea latte. You brought this upon yourself."_

_"Rude!" Clarke tried to give the brunette a mean stare but failed and ended up laughing at the girl's impression of her drink. "Fine...I guess you can call me princess."_

_Lexa beamed at the blonde feeling weirdly at ease with this stranger._

_"You're such a dork."_

_"Hey you don't even know me princess."_

_"Well maybe I'd like to. 3pm Friday afternoon. Be here."_

_"Wow. Bossy. I like this side of you blondie."_

_"Okay you can't have two nicknames. Pick one."_

_"Never. Wait, how about 'Princess Blondie'?" Lexa burst out laughing at the death glare she received from the blonde._

_"I  already hate you."_

* * *

 

"Lexa? Hello…Earth to Lexa…"

"What? Oh hey, Niylah. Sorry I guess I was just deep in thought," Lexa replied, somewhat disappointed that she was pulled from her memory.

"Yeah I can see that," Niylah said laughing lightly. "So what are you doing here?"

"Well seeing as Raven is home and I don't really want to make her any more mad at me than she already is, I decided to get out of the apartment."

"Ah. So do you mind me asking again what the deal is between you two?"

Lexa sighed, sensing that her roommate was going to question her about this again. "Look, I don't really know what to say about it. It's complicated and happened a long time ago. Maybe you should ask Raven."

"Well I live in the apartment too and I'd really love to know why there is so much tension between the two of you. It's not exactly what I expected either so I'd just like an explanation. I tried talking to Raven but she somehow managed to get me drunk and completely avoided the topic." Niylah didn't want to come off as desperate but she needed to know what happened between Lexa and Clarke. The blonde would be home soon and if she was going to make a move she wanted to make sure that Lexa wouldn't screw that up with her presence.

"Clarke and I dated. We dated for almost four years. We broke up. I don't know what else you want me to say." The brunette hated talking about this, she never allowed herself to think about the blonde because it was still too painful. Why the hell did Niylah care so much? It's not like this really had anything to do with her. Lexa would be gone soon and out of her life anyway.

"Ok but there's obviously more to the story than that Lexa. I've never seen Raven angry like that before."

"Niylah, I don't want to talk about this okay? It's not something that I ever thought I would be faced with again so please, either ask Raven or ask Clarke when she gets back if it's that important to you. I'm leaving soon enough; it won't even matter in a week when I'm gone." Lexa was fed up with Niylah's interrogation. There was something that the taller girl wasn't telling her, she cared too much about Lexa and Clarke's history to blame it on "curiosity".

Niylah realized how intrusive she was being and took a step back. "I'm sorry Lexa I didn't mean to come off as a detective or something. My bad. I'll leave you alone." The girl looked down, dejected.

"It's okay it's just a really touchy subject."

"You want me to buy you another coffee? As a peace offering?" The girl asked, a slow smile forming on her face.

Lexa felt a little uncomfortable having another person buying her coffee in this particular place, but she should be trying to move on. She's never been one to deny free drinks either. And Lexa thought that Niylah was pleasant enough to be around – when she wasn't playing detective that is.

"That'd be nice actually, thanks."

Lexa smiled up at the standing girl noticing how beautiful her roommate really was. She had refined features that reminded Lexa of an elf. Her hair was a light color but had some dark mixed in – her skin looked soft and held a bronze shade that must have been natural considering it was winter in New York and the sun was few and far between these days. If she wasn't roommates with Clarke, Lexa might have asked the girl out.

"One latte for the lady and one chai tea latte for me." Niylah set the cup down sending a warm smile Lexa's way.

Lexa's breath hitched at the sound of her ex-girlfriend's drink order. Of course Niylah would order that, just one more reason not to be interested in her. The brunette suddenly felt like she was in desperate need of fresh air, she could feel the weight of her memories on her and she needed to get out of the cafe. "Niylah, thanks for the coffee but I really need to be somewhere right now."

Before the taller girl could get a word out of her mouth Lexa was rushing out the door - disappearing into the chaos of New York City. 


	4. She's Back

It was now a week before Clarke was supposed to return from her trip abroad and Lexa was currently freaking out. She still hadn't found anyone to replace her or any leads on another place to live for that matter. She was desperately in need of a glass of wine – or maybe six shots of tequila.

The brunette walked into the kitchen of the apartment in search of a wine glass. Lexa decided on wine instead of tequila because let's be honest, she did not need to be throwing up all night no matter how tempting the hard liquor was after the week she'd gone through. She was forced to open up several cabinets before she finally found where her roommates kept the wine glasses. Lexa poured herself a generous amount and made her way back toward her room.

Taking a sip of her wine the dark haired girl noticed that it seemed awfully silent in the apartment and wondered whether or not anyone else was home. Knocking on Niylah's door she waited a couple seconds before deciding that the girl must be out for the night. On the other side of the apartment she did the same and knocked on Raven's room, still met with nothing. "Yes!" She shouted at the room. She was finally alone in this place. No awkward glances between her and Niylah, no glares received from Raven – just a bathtub that was calling her name, a bottle of wine, and some music to clear her mind. Lexa finally felt a little at peace in this apartment.

* * *

 

Letting her head sink down slowly into the warm soapy water, Lexa closed her eyes and sang along softly to the music playing in the background, " _Caught in this pool held in your eyes, caught like a fool without a line, we're in a natural spring, with this gentle sting between us_."

Lexa sat motionless allowing the lyrics of the song to echo back and forth inside her head, " _with this gentle sting between us_ ," it hurt how true those words were. She let her neck fall back on the edge of the tub opening her eyes and staring up at the ceiling of the white room. She felt second after second that passed her by, and for those long seconds that Lexa was vulnerable in that bathtub, she thought about Clarke – she thought about the coffee shop, she thought about the countless mornings the blonde spent in her arms, she thought about the golden hair that haunted her dreams almost every night, and she thought about the day she left Clarke.

Shutting her eyes she felt the hot sting of fresh tears leaving trails of regret and sorrow down her cheek. They felt like daggers digging into her skin, deep enough to leave a scar with Clarke's name forever etched onto her body. Lexa tried furiously to rid her eyes of the tears she felt burning her skin but no matter how hard she scrubbed at her face the scars would not disappear.

"What did I do," she cried out helplessly into the small bathroom.

"I fucked everything up and I can't fix it, I'm so sorry Clarke. I'm so sorry." She sat in the now cold water with her head in her hands, tears falling into the water – scars leaving her face, making a home in Lexa's heart.

* * *

 

_"Lexa stop! Please stop! Tell me what's going on please," Clarke begged her girlfriend from across their shared room. "I don't understand why you're doing this," she cried out._

_"Clarke, please, calm down."_

_"Don't fucking tell me to calm down Lexa! You're leaving without even telling me why and you're telling me to fucking calm down!? I deserve some sort of explanation from my girlfriend of almost four years. Did you forget that? That I'm your girlfriend Lexa? That you're supposed to love me and not hurt me? That what is your life is also my life too?"_

_"What if I don't want it to be your life too, huh? Clarke we are too close," motioning with her hands between the two of them, Lexa yelled out, " **this** is too close!" The brunette's head was in a daze. She needed to be out of this room. It was all too familiar, all too suffocating._

_"What the hell are you talking about Lexa? What do you mean we are too close? We're dating; we've been dating for almost four years of course we're close. You're not making any sense! Please babe stop packing and just talk this out with me." Clarke couldn't stop herself from begging the taller girl to stay, to not leave. None of this made sense to the blonde. They had been in a good place, of course they fought sometimes but never like this. This wasn't even a fight; it was one sided and Clarke could not for maybe the first time ever since they started dating, figure out what Lexa was thinking._

_"I can't do this Clarke. I'm sorry. I love you, but I have to leave." Lexa turned her head away from her girlfriend not letting her see the tears that streamed down her face. She couldn't let Clarke see her weak._

_"If you love me then why are you- why are you leaving?" Clarke sobbed, her girlfriend's body almost invisible to her now due to the water in her eyes blocking her vision._

_"Because I can't see you hurt. I can't see that. Not again." The brunette replied almost in a whisper – trying to not only convince Clarke, but also herself, that this was the right thing to do._

_"You're hurting me by leaving me Lexa! What do you mean, again?" The blonde was beyond confused trying to piece together what Lexa had told her but it just didn't make sense._

_"Goodbye Clarke. I promise I'll never come back here. I'll never come back to New York. I'm sorry princess." Lexa took the last of her things and walked out the doorway. She had to force her feet to keep moving as she heard the blonde's cries fall over and over against her ears._

_One. Two. Three._

_Four steps._

_Five. Six. Seven._

_Eight steps._

_She blocked out the sounds of her girlfriend yelling back at her until she reached the outside of the apartment. As soon as she was out of the building the brunette let her walls come crumbling down – her body shaking from the endless amount of tears that she would never let Clarke see. She did this for herself. It was selfish and she knew that. But she had to leave; she couldn't see another love get hurt. She would not allow her heart endure the pain again, no matter how much she loved the blonde._

_"I'm sorry Clarke..." She whispered one last time before gathering herself and her things into her car._

* * *

 

Lexa stood up out of the water in the tub, her fingers were starting to resemble raisins and it was not a good look for her.

So the night hadn't gone exactly as she had hoped, it seemed that every time the brunette tried to relax, Clarke was all she could think about. Grabbing a towel, Lexa wrapped it around her body and moved to drain the tub. When she finished draining the water she walked over to the mirror taking in the wet figure that stood before her – no scars. No visible scars that is. She shook her head of that thought and started to walk out of the bathroom when she heard keys in the door.

"Great…" the girl sighed to herself, "here we go again."

Lexa was not in any mood to deal with her roommates, tonight had already been mentally taxing for the girl, she really did not need any more emotional stress on top of that. She cursed herself when she realized that she would have to cross the middle of the apartment to make it to her room that was part of the opposite hallway.

"Fuck it." Lexa whispered to herself, not really caring at this point whether or not Raven would give her shit or if Niylah would start questioning her again.

The girl made her way to the end of the hallway deciding that it would be best not to look her roommate in the eye when she passed. She was halfway across the room when she heard a low gasp. The brunette  freezed.

"Lexa?"

Oh shit.

"Lexa what are you doing here?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

She was not ready to turn her head to the girl standing in the kitchen. How had she not suffered from a heart attack this week? Seriously.

"Lexa, what are you doing in my apartment? I really don't want to have to ask you again." The blonde's tone was anything but pleasant.

"Clarke."

"Yeah. I know my own name. What are you doing here?"

"Clarke, don't hate me, please."

"Little late for that don't you think?" the blonde replied staring daggers at the girl she once loved.

"Okay. I deserve that."

"You're lucky I'm not kicking your ass right now."

"Clarke. Just hear me out okay? I kind of, sort of live here."

"Excuse me? What do you mean you live here!? That's fucking impossible!"

"Turns out that it is very possible actually. Your roommate Niylah saw my Facebook post about looking for a place to live and that's how this happened. I've been trying to find another person to live here in my place and you weren't even supposed to be back for another week. Why are you back so early?"

"I'm asking the questions. Not you Lexa." Clarke was so mad at the girl in front of her she didn't even know how to act or think. She wanted to slap her. She wanted to yell at her for about a year and then slap her again. How the hell did this happen? Damn Niylah. Of course the girl would find Clarke's ex out of all the people in New York.

"You need to get out."

"Clarke. I am trying to get out. I've been trying for a week now but nothing has presented itself."

"Shut up Lexa! Just fucking get out of here I can't even look at you without wanting to hurt you!"

"Clarke I'm really sorry," Lexa moved slowly to the kitchen where the blonde was standing with her hand on her forehead looking down at the ground. She stopped in front of Clarke and tried to take the girl's hand in hers –

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? You think you can touch me and everything would be fine? Do you really think that I would want that Lexa? You just left me. You left me without an explanation for anything. Why would I ever want to see your face again?" Clarke snapped at the girl in front of her swatting her hand away and pushing past her. She rushed out of the kitchen before Lexa could respond, slamming the door to her room shut.

"Fuck."

Lexa sighed leaning against the counter in the kitchen, her hair still wet, feeling more vulnerable than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the shorter chapters everyone, I haven't had a chance to sit down and really focus on this story. I hope you're enjoying it though! Oh and the song that was playing in the background when Lexa was in the bath is "Open" by the group Rhye. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is where things get interesting. Heads up you might not like Clarke after this chapter.

"Hello? Clarke? How are you calling my phone right now? Isn't your ass supposed to be in Italy?"

"Raven you have exactly one minute to explain to me why my ex girlfriend is currently in OUR apartment."

"Well nice to talk to you too best friend, geez. No 'Hey Raven! Love you too Raven!'"

"Don't play with right now me Rae. This isn't funny."

"Look, Clarke, I had no idea that Niylah let her sign the lease okay."

"What do you mean she signed the lease!? Are you telling me that we actually have to live with her? Oh god, I need to sit down."

"Okay just calm down I'm almost home I'll talk to you in a few."

Clarke was lying down on her bed with a pillow over her face contemplating how exactly the ex love of her life was now living in the same apartment that she was in. God she was so fucking mad at Lexa, coming back after a year of no talking - no communication at all from the brunette and now she lived with her? Life was cruel.

There was a knock at her door distracting Clarke from the self deprecating thoughts that raced through her mind.

"Come in," the blonde replied.

"Hey Clarke."

The girl on the bed shot up from where she was positioned horizontally, "What are you doing in my room? Could you please get the hell out?" Her gaze piercing through the brunette standing by the doorway.

"Clarke, please. Can we try and be rational about this?"

"Hmm let me think about that...No." The blonde deadpanned. Clarke got up from the bed and walked over to her suitcase she had left untouched ever since she got back to the apartment.

"Well I don't know what to say Clarke because I think I'm going to have to stay her awhile longer and I don't want to have you hating me.

"Lexa. I do hate you." Clarke said quietly over her shoulder avoiding eye contact with the other girl.

The brunette felt her heart break a little at the blonde's words. She knew that she had messed things up, but Clarke had said those four words with such certainty. She was almost angry at the blonde for behaving this way, it's not like she had any choice in living here. "Why are you being so rude Clarke? It's been a year, can't we move past what happened?" Lexa regretted what she said immediately after hearing it out loud.

Clarke stood up faster than she had ever done before, turning and channeling the hate she was currently feeling right at Lexa. She walked over to where the taller girl was positioned by the door; taking a few more steps until she was so close to the brunette's face that she could feel Lexa's breath on her cheek. Taking one more step, she brought her hands up to Lexa's waist causing the girl's breath to hitch in her throat. Clarke pushed her harshly against the wall, they'd been in this position many times before, but never with this kind of emotion.

Lexa was beyond confused as she felt Clarke place her hands on her waist and when the blonde shoved her against the wall she couldn't help the small moan that escaped the back of her throat. Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes searching for some sort of explanation but was only met with harsh blue. She stared down at the blonde's lips, swallowing hard as she watched them move up toward her ear. She could feel Clarke's breath on her, sending shivers down her entire body.

Clarke let her lips linger over Lexa's ear until she was sure she had the girl right where she wanted her. Dragging her lips and parting them open against the other girl's earlobe, Clarke whispered slowly, "I will never, never, stop hating you. Do not talk to me, do not look at me, do not come in my room. I will never forgive you." Clarke was seething - she brought her hand from Lexa's waist and slapped the girl across the face.

"Get out."

Lexa could not move. She was so stunned by the slap that her muscles were temporarily malfunctioning. Clarke had never hit her before. She had never felt so much anger from the blonde. The guilt that she felt for causing this left her wanting Clarke to slap her again - how could she have done this? Lexa fucked up and it looked like there was nothing she could do to fix it at this point.

"Clarke! Get out here and give your best friend some lovin'! Raven yelled out as she walked through the front door and into the living room.

The sudden yelling caused Lexa to jump and remember where she still was. She looked over at Clarke waiting for the blonde to get up and move to the living room but she stayed put. "Aren't you gonna go meet her out there?"

"I told you to get out. When you leave, I'll leave." Clarke spat the words out like they were poison on her mouth.

Lexa had never felt so unwanted in her entire life. Even Raven didn't seem to hate her this much. She turned away from Clarke and walked with her head down out of the room and back to her own. As soon as she closed her door she could hear the sounds of the joyous reunion between the two best friends in the living room. She was jealous that they were so close. Lexa used to be that close to both of them - oh how things change.

"So spill it Griffin, did you meet any hotties in Italia?" Raven wiggled her eyebrows up and down at her best friend.

Clarke threw a pillow at Raven's face causing the girl to laugh loudly. "Shut up Rae! You know I'm not that type of girl."

"Yeah well maybe you should be." Raven said as she got up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen.

Clarke stared at the back of her best friend as she walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of Niylah's hot Cheetos from the counter. That girl was always eating, how in the hell did she stay so in shape? "What do you mean 'maybe I should be'?"

Raven made her way back to the couch and plopped down next to the blonde. "Look Griffin, all I know is that you seriously need to get over our fourth roommate, I don't want a sad and mopey Clarke this year. Deal?"

"Yeah okay..." She answered, letting out a sigh in defeat. Clarke knew the girl was right and of course she knew that Raven was just trying to be the caring best friend, but it was really hard to see her that way when the girl was currently stuffing her face with hot Cheetos. She sat there giggling watching Raven in her element.

"Whaths tho funny?" The brown haired girl asked, her mouth still full of the fiery snack.

"Excuse me, English please Rae." Clarke laughed at the site of her best friend. She really loved this girl. "I missed you best friend," she sighed happily and leaned into the other girl's side.

"I missed you too Griff." Raven replied, pulling the blonde in for a hug.

The two girls had been cuddled up on the couch for almost an hour catching up with each other and discussing Clarke's stories from abroad. They finally reached a comfortable silence where neither one was talking, just enjoying each other's company after being separated for so long. "So has it been boring around here without your favorite blonde around?"

"Ya know, it actually hasn't been too bad. Niylah is pretty chill and she makes bomb ass eggs Clarke. They are literally the best eggs I've EVER had." Clarke laughed as Raven started to visually salivate thinking about eggs.

"You're ridiculous."

"Ridiculous about eggs," Raven winked at the blonde. Clarke looked at her friend seriously for a second before both of them started busting up laughing. The blonde took advantage of this moment to creep a hand around Raven's side and start tickling her. "CLARKE OH MY GOD STOP I HATE YOU GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Raven yelled out at Clarke, trying to kick the girl off her but failing when she remembered that one of her legs was broken and useless at the moment. "I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP CLARKE GRIFFIN YOU BETTER FUCKING STOP!" Clarke was dying of laughter as she watched Raven struggle to get out of her grasp. "Alriiiight I guess I'll stop. I just missed you." She smiled at Raven and gave her the puppy dog face knowing that her best friend would give in.

"Ew you're gross stop."

"Say you love me Rae," Clarke said continuing the face with pouty lips and big eyes.

"Ugh. Fine whatever, I love you I guess." Raven rolled her eyes at the blonde's antics. "You should have stayed in Italy loser."

"Too late for the insults, you already said you love me." Clarke flashed a cheesy grin over at the brown haired girl.

Raven got off the couch and walked to the kitchen again for more of her roommate's hot Cheetos - Niylah had like twenty bags so she figured the girl wouldn't mind if one of them was missing, or maybe four of them...

"You are insatiable Rae." Clarke called over to her friend referring to the obsession she seemed to have with Cheetos.

"It's not my fault! It's Niylah's fault! The girl has like twenty bags Clarke! You know I'm weak for junk food, especially of the Cheetos variety."

"Where is Niylah anyway?" The blonde questioned, remembering how late it was and confused as to why her other roommate wasn't home yet.

"No idea, that girl doesn't tell me much. But I do know that she has the hots for a certain blondie." Raven smirked at the girl on the couch, knowing that Clarke wouldn't piece together what she was telling her.

"Oh! Who is it?!"

"Oh my god you are so oblivious." She rolled her eyes at her roommate.

"Clarke that girl has had heart eyes for you the second she moved in here." 

"She likes _me_?" The blonde sat their in shock. She definitely had not seen this coming. Clarke admitted that she had always thought Niylah was attractive but she never thought about her roommate in that particular way.

"Uh, yeah genius. Duh." Raven could seriously not believe how dense her best friend could be sometimes. "Clarke I think you should go for it to be honest."

"What?" The blonde gaped at Raven's words. Why would she go for it with Niylah? "That would be so weird and we all live together, I don't know isn't that kind of awkward Rae? And totally asking for trouble?"

"Two roommates bangin'? I don't think so. You never have to leave the house if you want a quickie. Seems perfect to me. And besides Clarke, this is the perfect opportunity to get your mind off of Lexa. Gotta get under Niylah to get over Lexa." She smirked at the grossed out look on her friend's face.

"But we live with Lexa now how am I supposed to hook up with Niylah and not let her know."

"Who cares if she knows. She left you."

Clarke thought about Raven's advice. Maybe pissing Lexa off wasn't such a bad idea. She was so hurt by everything that the brunette had done that at this point she would do anything to make the girl feel the way she felt when Lexa left her. "You're right."

Raven almost choked on her hot Cheetos when she heard what Clarke had said. She never actually expected the girl to go for her idea. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I want to make her pissed Raven. She hurt me and I deserve a little attention from someone else." Clarke spoke with confidence but deep down she was worried about this plan. She wanted to forget about the brunette but she knew that it was going to take a lot more than getting under someone else for that to happen. She pushed her thoughts away and went to go stand next to Raven. "Give me one of those things."

"You hate Cheetos."

"Well I loved Lexa once, and now I pretty much want to kill her. People change Rae. Now give me the damn Cheetos." They sat in silence for awhile eating at the island and thinking about nothing.

"I slapped her Raven." The blonde said so softly it came out as a whisper.

"You what?"

"I slapped her. I slapped Lexa."

"Seriously? That's bad ass! Good job Griff."

"I guess. But I keep thinking about it and I feel bad." Clarke looked down at her hands not wanting to see Raven's reaction.

" _You_ feel bad about doing that to _her_? You should have done that a long time ago! She deserves it!" The brown haired girl yelled. Raven could not believe what Clarke was saying, Lexa fucked up and she needed to know that.

"I know, okay! I know I shouldn't feel bad but I can't help it. That's what she does to me, she always has." Clarke's lips started to tremble and she couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Raven looked over at her best friend and immediately wrapped her arms around the blonde. "I'm sorry love I didn't mean to yell at you I just get really protective over you." She didn't mean to upset Clarke; sometimes she forgot how badly Lexa really broke Clarke - even though Raven had been with her pretty much every minute after the break up. Raven held Clarke for what seemed like an hour but in reality was really only fifteen minutes. Gently running her fingers through the blonde's hair put both the girls at ease and being so close to one another after the long break of strictly Skype calls and limited texting brought a sense of peace to the apartment. The two jumped at the sound of keys in the door.

"That should be Nye." Raven informed the blonde by her side.

Niylah walked in and was surprised to see her roommates sitting and leaning on each other in the seats by the island. "Oh my god, Clarke! You're back so early!" The girl could not hide the excitement in her voice at finally seeing the blonde again. She made her way over to the shorter girl and gave her a tight hug, taking in the light scent of lavender the girl's hair provided. Oh how she had missed that scent. Niylah realized how much she was lingering and quickly disengaged herself from the intimate embrace. This crush thing was getting harder and harder to control.

"Hey Niylah, it's good to see you again." Clarke said to the other girl. It didn't go unnoticed by Clarke how Niylah held onto her for longer than normal roommates usually hug; Clarke could not believe how oblivious she had been in the past with Niylah, she could see the girl's affection directed at her and cursed Raven for being right about this for once.

"We should watch a movie! Let's watch a scary movie!" Raven interrupted, bouncing up and down excitedly in her chair waiting for her roommates to respond. "Uh I don't know Rae, I'm really tired from my flight and I think I just want to go to bed." The girl was half telling the truth but she hoped that Raven would buy it.

"Oh come on Clarke don't be such a deb." The brown haired girl replied, walking over to the living room with her hot cheetos bag in hand.

"I don't know Clarke, it could be fun. Let's watch." Niylah thought that a scary movie wasn't such a bad idea. This could be a perfect opportunity for unintentional cuddling with the blonde.

"See Clarke? Niylah's not a deb." The girl sat on the couch flipping through the "Horror" category on Netflix looking for something semi-interesting that had at least more than 2&1/2 stars.

"What the hell is a 'deb'?" She knew that if it came out of Raven's mouth, "deb" was anything but a compliment.

"Debbie downer. Come sit down losers!"

"I'm not a debbie downer you ass! Don't call me that!" The blonde yelled, walking over and punching Raven in the arm.

"Ow fuck! Geez Griffin lighten up. This is exactly what a deb would do."

Another punch.

"Fuck! Ok, I'm sorry. You're not a debbie downer..."

"That's right. But you still lost your chance at cuddling with me during the movie," Clarke smirked at the look of defeat on Raven's face.

"You're literally the biggest wuss on the planet Griffin, you'll be cuddling me before thirty minutes even goes by in the movie. Just wait and see."

"I am not a wuss! I could watch a whole scary movie by myself and be fine." "Wow that's the greatest lie you've ever told." Raven couldn't stop herself from laughing at the confident girl. She knew her best friend and she knew she was right.

"Shut up." Clarke said to Raven, giving up on the argument they had started.

"Okay we're watching The Babadook! My idea for movie night so I get to choose." Raven got up from the couch and turned off the lights in the living room. She sat down next to her best friend spreading out a blanket on top of the two of them.

Niylah sat on the other couch that was still connected to the couch that Clarke and Raven were on but her legs were by her roommate's heads instead of the other way around which would leave Niylah's face right next to Clarke's face. Not that the girl didn't want that more than anything, but with her legs closer to Clarke's head, Niylah got a perfect view of the blonde. She couldn't help but stare at everything she did, she was so fucking cute.

"Ok I'm starting the movie so hush." Raven said to the room.

It was fifteen minutes into the movie and Raven was suffocating from the weight of Clarke sitting on top of her lungs. Literally five minutes into the movie Clarke was moving closer and closer to Raven until there was a particularly scary part in the movie and the blonde gave up her pride, latching onto her best friend for dear life.

"Hey guys I think I'm actually going to go to bed, it's getting pretty late and I need to work tomorrow." Raven called out to the dark room, sitting up and detaching herself from the blonde. She leaned in closer to Clarke so her other roommate would not hear her, "This is your chance to get up on Niylah! Get it on Griffin! You need to get over you know who and this is the perfect time to let Niylah know that you're down for that."

"You cannot just leave me out here and expect me to be okay with that Raven! I don't even know how to act with Niylah now!" Clarke angrily whispered at her best friend, not wanting to be left alone in the room with her other roommate.

"Clarke, it will be fine. If you really need me then text me and I'll come out, but you need this. Why are you so against it, Niylah's hot as hell! Whatever Clarke, I'm leaving and you better do something tonight!" Raven walked to her room and closed the door behind her, "I'm such a genius," the girl whispered to herself.

It had been ten minutes since Raven left the room and Clarke was currently freaking the fuck out. This movie was literally the scariest thing she'd ever seen - so many pop up scenes. Who decided the pop out scenes were a good idea? She hated scary movies and could not handle them at all. There was a scream in the movie, causing Clarke to scream loudly herself and jump off of the couch.

"Clarke! Do you want to come sit over here with me? You are obviously freaking out. Come on it's better to be close to someone when you're watching a scary movie." Niylah silently pleaded with any higher power for Clarke to agree.

"Okay." Clarke got up and sat down next to Niylah. The taller girl was surprised that the blonde had actually agreed to sit down next to her. Of course Clarke was probably just doing it because she was so scared. Either way, Niylah was thankful.

Clarke was out of reasons to try and stop what she was doing. Niylah was beautiful and she was seriously going to have a heart attack if she watched this alone for any longer.

She sat herself down next to the taller girl and lied down in front of her. Clarke still had the blanket cuddled half around her body and half up next to her lips where she was holding on for dear life. She could feel Niylah's hand between their two bodies, it was able to stay there because Clarke allowed just enough space. She slowly backed her ass up into the other girl feeling the girl's hand twitch at the sudden movement. Niylah almost died at the movement that Clarke made. She moved her ass flush up against Niylah's body and the taller girl's breathing slowly became heavier and heavier.

Niylah started to move her hand from between them and onto Clarke's hip, she could feel how warm her hand was against the blonde. Her breathing fell close to Clarke's ear, sending slow shivers down Clarke's body. Another pop out scene came on in the movie and the smaller girl pushed back hard into Niylah out of instinct. The girl let out a moan at the feel of Clarke's ass pushing back hard into her center. She tried to cough to cover up what had come out of her mouth but she knew that the blonde had heard her.

Hearing Niylah moan directly into her ear was undeniably sexy. It had been a long time for the blonde. In Italy she ignored all the sexual advances that were made on her because she wasn't over Lexa, it hurt to much to have sex and not have it mean anything. But now that she was in New York and with everything that had happened today, she felt like she could give in to her needs.

Knowing what it would do to her roommate, Clarke ran her fingers through her hair and moved it away from her neck, leaving it exposed for Niylah's vision. She tilted her head back a little just enough for the taller girl to have to look at the beautiful site in front of her. Clarke could feel her breath, deep and erratic, against the skin of her neck. Wanting to hear Niylah's need for her again, Clarke slowly grinded her ass down and up against her roommate's center. She almost let out a moan herself when she felt the girl's grip tighten on her hip and her lips move even closer to her neck.

Niylah could not believe what was happening. Clarke just grinded her ass into her, on purpose. Despite that fact that the two girls were fully dressed, Niylah could feel herself dripping wet for the blonde. She gripped tighter onto the girl's hip and pushed back against Clarke's ass with her front. She didn't miss the small groan that the blonde released at the feel of Niylah's reciprocation. They slowly started to grind against each other, gaining speed as the two of them grew more comfortable with what was happening. "Fuck Clarke..." Niylah gripped Clarke's hair with her free hand and pulled her head back, gaining better access to the blonde's exposed neck. She bit down hard onto the soft skin causing Clarke to moan loudly at the feel of Niylah's lips sucking hard against the soft flesh. "Oh my god don't stop doing that...Please.."

* * *

 Lexa sat on her bed with her headphones in, browsing on her laptop for new music. She'd been looking for a new roommate all night but still she found nothing.

Clarke seriously got to her today when she slapped her across the face and she just wanted to get out of the apartment. She didn't belong there.

She had been thirsty all night but was avoiding going outside because she didn't want to run into Clarke or Raven. She put down her headphones and made her way to the door. Cracking it open slightly she listened for any sounds of her roommates in the living room. She started to hear the sound of a movie playing in the distance but it didn't sound like one she knew of. Lexa couldn't hear anything else but the movie so she decided that it was safe to go get some water from the kitchen.

Walking down the hall Lexa could now see the movie playing on the TV and saw that it was The Babadook. She loved that movie, but she knew it had to be either Raven or Niylah watching it because Clarke was terrified of scary movies.

She reached the end of the hall and turned left to go into the kitchen. Everything was extremely dark save for the light from the TV so Lexa had to feel her way around the area. She finally made it to the cabinet that she had seen cups in earlier that day. Lexa opened up the cabinet grabbing a glass and pulling it out of the cupboard. She turned to walk back to the fridge when she heard a weird sound. It sounded like a shuffling sound coming from the couch but she was too far away that she couldn't see what exactly it was. Lexa decided that she didn't care enough to go check if it meant having to talk with her roommates tonight. She opened up the fridge and took out the brita filter she'd been dying to see all night. Lexa poured herself a glass and went to put the filter back when she heard a voice - "Fuuuuuck Niylah..."

Lexa froze. She couldn't even move. She didn't have to see who was on the couch with Niylah to know who's voice that was. Lexa didn't even know what was happening. Why the fuck was Clarke on the couch with her? And why did she sound like she was having sex...? Clarke wouldn't do that to her. She wouldn't have sex with someone else with Lexa in the house, would she? And it was with Niylah? Niylah?! That's when Lexa pieced it together. Niylah kept asking her all those questions because she liked Clarke! Why hadn't she seen this sooner? Lexa was fucking furious. Clarke was saying someone else's name. She was saying someone else's name while she was having sex with someone else. It made her want to throw up. She wanted to fucking destroy Niylah. Clarke was hers. Clarke used to say her name when she came, she used to only let Lexa touch her gorgeous body. Lexa wanted to kill someone right now, she had never been this mad in her life.

"Oh my god Clarke I'm gonna cum"

Lexa heard those words and she snapped back to reality. She could feel her hands gripped at her sides, her teeth clenched, eyes watering over with unshed tears - those would fall later - she could feel her heart aching in her chest, feeling so betrayed. Lexa opened the fridge putting in the brita filter and slammed the door so hard the kitchen actually felt like it shook.

She heard two gasps coming from the couch as she walked back toward the hallway. She turned to go back toward her own room but looked over her shoulder one last time at the couch. As she turned her head she locked eyes with Clarke. She could feel her heart seize in her chest as her tears fell freely from her eyes, Lexa didn't blink once. Clarke looked back at her with an unwavering blank stare on her face. So this was how it was going to be. Lexa turned her head back choking back a sob in her throat - not wanting to think about what she had just witnessed. She really should have never come back here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I had to make Clarke seem pretty terrible in this chapter but she's so broken after what happened with Lexa that all she wants to do is hurt Lexa like Lexa hurt her. It'll get better later don't worry. Tell how you're liking it guys!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions riiiiissssiiiiiing!

"Clarke…?"

The blonde still had her eyes fixed on the hallway where Lexa had previously been standing. She didn't know how to feel about what just transpired. On one hand, Clarke was secretly hoping that Lexa would catch her with Niylah, but on the other, seeing Lexa's face in the hall made her sick to her stomach.

"Clarke, are you okay?" Niylah surveyed the blonde that sat next to her; she looked like she had just seen a ghost. Of course Lexa would have to walk in during that. Niylah couldn't help but feel selfish when it came to Clarke; she'd been waiting so long to make a move on the girl and now when she finally had the courage to do so, the ex girlfriend had to ruin it.

"I'm sorry, I think I need to go to bed Niylah. This – this was fun but I'm really exhausted from traveling all day and I still haven't even unpacked my things. I'll see you tomorrow okay? We can make breakfast?" Clarke got up from the couch and knelt down, giving Niylah a quick kiss on her cheek. She knew the girl was annoyed at what happened but Clarke did not possess the energy or the mental strength for a long and dramatic conversation right now.

"Yeah okay…" the other girl replied.

The blonde turned and walked out of the living room in the direction of her bedroom. Pausing at Lexa's door she couldn't help herself from pressing her ear up against it, she wasn't one to be so intrusive but something inside of her desperately ached to know how the brunette was feeling. Clarke could hear the muffled sound of the girl crying from the other side of the door. She should be smiling - she should be rejoicing at the fact that she hurt Lexa the way that Lexa hurt her - but all she could do was step back from the door and walk away in shame.

..

 Lexa left the apartment the next morning before the sun had even made an appearance in the sky - it was time to get back into shape. All she felt now was anger and hurt so why not use that fire to get toned, right? Lexa knew it wouldn't take her mind off of Clarke and Niylah but it was all she could do right now not to kill someone.

She reached the ground floor of her apartment and took off running on the street. It was cold out but the piercing air came as a much needed relief to Lexa's clouded mind. She ran for ten minutes before the sunlight finally flooded into the city she called home; it hit her softly on her face and her eyelids briefly fluttered shut as the rays fully enveloped every one of her features, warming her from the inside out. Moments like this kept Lexa sane.

She continued running until she felt as though her lungs would catch on fire. The girl decided that walking the rest of the way home wasn't such a terrible idea - she was so out of shape and she didn't need to pull a muscle the first day back of working out.

The steps up to her apartment stared back at Lexa, mocking the exhausted girl, how could she have forgotten about the fucking death stairs?! "Well here goes nothing," the brunette muttered under her breath releasing a defeated sigh. The first three flights of steps had gone off without a hitch for Lexa but she was now faced with four more flights and her confidence was shaky. She leaned against the railing trying to regain her breathing from the last set of steps.

Letting her mind wander due to the current lack of oxygen in her brain, Lexa automatically thought about Clarke and Niylah on the couch together and she gritted her teeth out of pure disgust. The sounds she heard from the kitchen last night replayed like a broken record in her mind and she felt bile creep up in the back of her throat. Of course Lexa had thought about Clarke being with other people but she never imagined being in the same room when the girl was having sex with those people and not to mention the fact that the person was Lexa's other roommate? It sounded so ridiculous in her head, but picturing the two the night before, she was instantly reminded that it was all too real. She fought hard to swallow down the bitter taste that the image of Clarke with someone else left on her tongue. Trying and failing to dismiss the thoughts of Clarke from her mind, Lexa took off bounding up step after step until finally reaching the top.

* * *

 

The smell of brewing coffee enveloped Lexa's senses the second she stepped foot into the apartment. Who the hell was even up this early? She was answered when her gaze fell on, of course, the blonde Lexa had been thinking about all morning. Can't a woman catch a break around here?

Lexa made her way to the fridge in search of her water bottle, she didn't want to talk to Clarke but her need for water after climbing that stairwell was the only thing controlling her movements at this point. Finding the blue container toward the back of the fridge, Lexa grabbed it and drank for what must have been a full minute. She hadn't even looked at the blonde when she walked into the kitchen but the second she put her water bottle back in the fridge and closed the door she was met with blue eyes looking over at her. Clarke's eyes didn't hold the same anger that they had the day before but Lexa could tell that being around one another was taking a toll on the blonde.

"Lexa…I don't know what you saw last night but Niyl-"

"Look Clarke, it's fine okay? I don't have any say in what you do with your life anymore, especially your sex life, and same goes for you. As far as I'm concerned, nothing happened. Obviously us being around each other is uncomfortable but I guess we're just going to have to deal with it and get past this." The brunette couldn't even make eye contact with the blonde in front of her in fear that the words she was saying would not come out if she could tell what the girl was thinking.

"Um. Okay." Clarke replied with a slight edge to her tone. She didn't know what Lexa was doing but it was kind of pissing her off. Clarke knew that Lexa had heard her and Niylah last night and she knew that the girl was lying about being okay. Why was she trying to act like she was cool with this? The Lexa she used to know would have beat Niylah's ass, but I guess that's not who they were anymore. Well fine then. If Lexa says she's okay then she would have no problem with Clarke getting to know Niylah even more.

"Whatever you say Lexa."

The blonde's tone scared Lexa. Clarke sounded almost offended at what Lexa had said. This shit was too confusing for the brunette to try and deal with, she just wanted a shower and to get out of the apartment for the day. She watched Clarke crack some eggs into a bowl before she turned and started to make her way out of the kitchen. As she was about to walk out she was met with a sleepy Niylah walking out from the hallway. This fucking girl. Niylah was completely unaware of the cold stare Lexa was sending her as she walked into the kitchen. Lexa could feel her blood boiling as the girl brushed past her headed towards Clarke. Who the fuck did she think she was?

Clarke stood at the counter whisking the eggs she had cracked, not witnessing the interaction between Lexa and Niylah. She felt the girl stop next to her and she turned to greet her, "Hey Nye".

"How'd you sleep?"

"Alright, a little frustrated but overall, okay."

"Yeah I'm sorry we had to cut things short last night. Maybe I can make up for that later." Clarke said it loud enough so Lexa could hear. She looked over Niylah's shoulder, purposefully making eye contact with the brunette before she kissed the girl standing in front of her.

Lexa could feel the bile rising up again in her throat as she watched Clarke kiss Niylah. Why the hell was Clarke acting this way? She knew the girl was angry with her but to try and make her purposefully jealous? That was just childish. Lexa stormed out of the kitchen refusing to let Clarke toy with her emotions any longer. Yesterday she had honestly felt like she was in the wrong, but now, now she was the one furious with the blonde.

"Wow, what was that for?" Niylah asked struggling to catch her breath from Clarke's kiss.

"Do I really need a reason to kiss you Nye?" Clarke didn't want to confess the real reason for her spontaneity to the girl.

"Yeah I guess you're right," the taller girl replied laughing lightly. "So what were you and Lexa talking about? You could cut the tension in here with a knife when I walked in earlier."

"It was nothing really." The blonde turned away from Niylah and checked on the eggs cooking on the stove. Great. They're burnt on one side. "Damn it."

"Ya know I could have helped you with those bad boys, I'm a pretty good chef." Niylah winked at the blonde and moved to grab some new eggs from the fridge.

"Yeah that's what I hear," Clarke smiled softly at her letting Niylah take over in the kitchen. She was too stressed right now to think about eggs.

"Who spilled my secret to you?" Niylah questioned dramatically.

"Calm down detective!" Clarke laughed and hit the girl on the arm playfully. "It was just Raven. She said something about you making her bomb ass eggs. Which I better get to taste since I royally fucked mine up already."

"I knew it was Raven! That girl begs me to make her food like every morning, not to mention that she steals all my Cheetos! She cannot be trusted around food, how did you live with her in a dorm for two years and not starve?"

"Oh trust me, I have my ways when it comes to that girl." Clarke was not kidding. She knew exactly how to work Raven, the two had known each other practically since birth and she could read her like the back of her hand. "Hey! You never answered my egg question!" The blonde pouted.

"Stop giving me the pouty lips! You'll get your eggs, don't worry princess." Niylah chuckled and gave Clarke a kiss on the cheek.

Oh god. Did she really just call her princess? She felt the heavy weight of her past three years with the brunette crashing down on her - she felt as though the air was being sucked out of her lungs. That word held too much meaning and significance for the girl.

"Clarke? Clarke, are you okay?" Niylah asked with concern etched across her face for the other girl.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine. Keep cooking, I just need to go to the bathroom."

Clarke's head was spinning. All it took was one word and now she felt like she was having a panic attack? Lexa still held so much power over her and she hated it.

She walked slowly out of the kitchen trying to even out her breathing. Her hands would not stop shaking and her legs felt as though they would collapse under her weight at any second. Clarke finally reached the bathroom next to Raven's room and pushed the door open, not noticing that it was currently being used.

She opened the bathroom and felt the hot air hit her face, was Raven taking a shower in here? It was so steamy Clarke couldn't make out the face of the figure getting out of the shower, but she was certain that it was just Raven. She walked over to the sink and splashed some water in her face, hoping that it would clear her head. Looking up into the mirror she couldn't see her reflection so Clarke used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe the steam off of the glass. As she wiped the glass clear her jaw dropped when she saw the wet body that was behind her. Clarke would know that body anywhere. The girl's back was turned to Clarke and she stared at the tattoo that covered her right shoulder and traced down her right side. Water was dripping slowly off Lexa's bronze skin and Clarke couldn't take her darkened eyes off the girl.

The brunette turned around to look in the mirror, her eyes widening as she saw who was staring back at her in the reflection.

"Oh my god! What are you doing in here?" The girl all but yelled, frantically trying to cover her body but dropping the towel multiple times. Her hands seemed to have stopped working.

"U-uh I thought you were Raven! I'm sorry!" Clarke didn't know what to say or how to act, seeing her ex girlfriend naked wasn't something she was prepared for and certainly not something that she thought would make her feel this way.

"How long have you been in here?" Lexa was so confused and she was steadily learning that her roommates had zero sense of privacy.

"Just a couple of minutes, I swear Lexa."

The brunette locked eyes with the girl in front of her. She noticed the darkened eyes of the blonde and she smirked. She didn't know that she still had this effect on Clarke but judging from the flustered look Clarke was giving her, Lexa knew she was right.

"You okay Clarke?" Lexa smiled smugly.

"Yeah...I'm fine."

"Really? You look a little frustrated."

"I'm fine, Lexa." Clarke needed to get out of the bathroom and away from the nearly naked Lexa.

The blonde moved towards the door but Lexa blocked her. "Can you please move Lexa."

"I know what you're doing Clarke."

"Yeah I'm trying to get out so will you please get out of my way?"

"No. I know what you're doing with Niylah and it's not going to make me jealous Clarke."

"I don't care if it makes you jealous or not. I don't really care about you so please, move."

"Whatever you say blondie." Lexa moved out of the doorway for Clarke but the girl continued to stand there.

"Don't. Call. Me. That." The blonde was fuming. Lexa had no right to call her that.

"Don't call you blondie? What's wrong with that?"

"You don't get to call me that anymore Lexa. You lost that right when you left." Clarke was so angry. She walked towards the brunette until she was backed up against the door. She hated that she still felt things for this girl. She hated that being this close to her lips made it impossible not to stare down at them. Fuck her for making her feel this way.

Lexa could feel all her blood rushing down to her center as Clarke backed her into the door. She didn't want the girl knowing that she was affected by her and Niylah but she wasn't sure how much longer she could stand seeing them together even though it had only been two days. "Clarke, I'm sorry. I won't call you that anymore." She was staring into blue eyes and she could see Clarke's vision move down to her lips. She licked her lips knowing what it would do to the blonde.

"I need to get out of here." Clarke was having a hard time thinking. Seeing Lexa lick her lips was doing things to her body and she needed out.

"Go ahead Clarke. You're the one who pushed me against the door."

"Fuck you Lexa." And with that Clarke pushed past the brunette and walked out the door. She let out a sigh of relief when she was finally away from Lexa. This was going to be a long semester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you all want clexa buuuut I have to keep the tension up! Sorry guys! Love me anyway? Please? Haha hopefully you won't have to wait too long. Thank you to all of those who are reading and following the story.


	7. Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update! School is hard but don't worry I won't abandon this story, I promise. Hope you all enjoy this one ;)

It'd been a week since Clarke got back from Italy and the new semester at NYU had just started. Everyone in the house was currently busy getting their schedules in order and the apartment was more than a little chaotic, to say the least.

"RAVEN WHERE IS MY CURLING IRON?!" Clarke had had it with her best friend, she was constantly "borrowing" her things without asking and never bothering to put any of them back.

"RAVEN!" Clarke's face now holding a light red hue to it, proving the growing frustration this morning was causing her.

"Oh my god you psycho calm down, it's in my room." The dark haired girl replied casually. She didn't have class or work on Tuesdays so she was enjoying watching Clarke freak out.

"Well can you get it please?? I have class in like 45 minutes and I don't want to be late." Clarke had been running around all morning getting ready and trying to organize her stuff. She'd been so distracted by Lexa the past week and now with Niylah never leaving her alone she didn't have any time to get ready for the new semester. She just wanted a day to herself with zero drama, but obviously that was asking too much.

"Here you go loser." Raven shoved the curling iron at the blonde, pissed that her breakfast time was being so rudely interrupted. "Can I eat in peace now?"

"Yeah, whatever, I just don't want to be late Rae. Also, side note, but not really, more like the opposite of side note because this is a big topic - you gave me literally the worst advice when you told me to hook up with Niylah. Now Lexa is getting under my skin about everything and Niylah won't leave me alone for even like 5 minutes. You didn't tell me that she actually likes me Raven, I thought she just wanted to hook up. I am so not ready to even consider dating anyone."

"What do you mean Lexa is getting under your skin? Do you need me to talk to her, cause I will." Shooting Clarke a protective look.

"No, don't do anything stupid Rae. I don't know, she's just really getting to me and it's dumb but I can't help it. She keeps saying that what I'm doing with Niylah doesn't bother her but I swear it does. I know Lexa and she would never be okay with this."

"Clarke why do you even care about her? She left you, remember? I was there to pick up the pieces when she left, do you really want to be with that kind of person again?"

"But how can she not care Rae..." Clarke tried to hold back her tears, the water already starting to swell in her eyes.

"Clarke...it's okay, it'll be okay. I know it's hard to get over her what with her being so close all the time but it'll get easier. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Niylah but I just didn't want you to freak out, she's a really great person and I feel like you two could be good for one another. I know that's hard to hear but maybe it's not such a bad idea."

"How the hell am I supposed to open myself up again to another person?"

"You can't keep living like you have been Clarke, I know it's hard but don't run away from this okay? You left to go to Italy to run away from your problems and I think it's time to start being happy again, you deserve that. You should go on a date with Niylah, maybe you'll find that you actually like the girl." Raven sat and continued to eat her cereal waiting for her best friend to respond.

Go on a date? Clarke hasn't been on a date in well...she can't even remember how long it's been. The thought kind of scared the girl. She thought that Raven was more than a little ridiculous for suggesting the idea but maybe it wasn't such a terrible thing. Clarke hadn't let herself be happy for the entirety of this past year and it's been slowly eating away at her. When she went away to Italy she hadn't really been thinking, all she knew was that if she stayed in New York for one more semester she would hate herself and the city that she called home. But it wasn't the city that broke her heart, and Clarke had to come to terms with that.

"Okay. I'll consider it."

Raven instantly put her cereal down at the blonde's words. "Seriously??"

"BUT that doesn't mean that I am for sure saying yes to this Rae."

"Whatever!! At least you're considering it! I just want you to be happy Clarke." The dark haired girl wrapped her arms around the blonde and kissed the top of her head. "I'm proud of you Griff. My baby is growing up."

"Ew, okay mom..." The blonde teased letting a warm smile spread across her face. Clarke happily let her best friend embrace her and was thankful that she had someone who cared so much for her. "But seriously, thanks for talking to me about this Rae."

"No problem Griffin," Raven winked at the blonde and went back to eating her cereal.

"Oh my god it's almost 8:30 already?? Fuck I need to go! I'll see you later Rae!"

"Weren't you going to curl your hair? You yelled at me for nothing!! Do you realize you interrupted precious cereal time?!"

"I guess this mop on my head will have to do for today. You're such a baby. You literally had two bowls of cereal this morning before the one you're eating now." The blonde rolled her eyes at her friend, when it came to food, Raven was not to be messed with.

"Do you have a point?" Raven replied with an unamused look on her face.

"I guess there's no point in arguing with you about food, huh?"

"That's right, Griffin. I will eat my cereal and you will like it!" The dark haired girl flashed a smile at Clarke basking in her victory over the conversation.

"You're such a dork. Okay, I seriously need to go now. I'll see you later?" Clarke grabbed her things and made her way to the front of the apartment.

"Yup. I'm going grocery shopping later but I'll be home for most of the day."

"Grocery shopping? What, to buy Niylah more eggs so she can cook _you_ breakfast?"

"Shut it. You don't need to know about my grocery business. Now leave before you're late and try to blame it on me, the caring and innocent best friend."

"Hah! Wow someone's got jokes this morning. Alright, I'm out! Wish me luck, mom!" She opened the door and quickly walked out hearing, "Good luck my little nerd!", shouted from behind her. She laughed at her best friend's response knowing that it was actually pretty accurate. Clarke worked really hard in school and she earned a 4.0 GPA because of that. Raven always made fun of her for being a geek and constantly studying in the library, but no one could deny that it seriously paid off.

* * *

 

_"Lexaaa, stop you're distracting me." The blonde whined trying to focus on her chemistry notes from today's lecture. "Babe please, I seriously need to get an A on my midterm next wee-- oh fuck okay don't stop doing that." Lexa smirked at her girlfriend's failed attempts at getting her to stop - her lips placing small kisses on the blonde's ear, lightly but with enough pressure to send shivers down the girl's spine.  
_

_"So do you feel like studying now?" Biting down hard on her ear, Lexa stood behind her girlfriend at her desk smiling when she heard the blonde reply with a soft moan. "I'll take that as a no?" Her lips traveled down Clarke's neck to her back, letting her tongue take over, licking slowly down the girl's spine._

_Clarke was on fire. Lexa always managed to elicit these primal feelings from her that she had no idea she possessed. The guttural moan she released when Lexa bit down on her ear was deeper than her voice usually sounded and it surprised her how quickly her girlfriend reduced her to this quivering mess of hormones. She felt the girl behind her move her hands onto the sides of her stomach, pulling her shirt up and reaching down to play with the waistband of her sweats._

_Lexa could feel the warmth coming from the blonde's center as her hands crept down into Clarke's underwear. Tangling her left hand in the mess of golden curls that fell down her girlfriend’s back, Lexa pulled down roughly earning a loud moan from the girl in front of her. She leant down by the girl's ear breathing so close that Clarke couldn't help the goosebumps spreading out over her entire a body. “Tell me you want me inside you Clarke.”_

_Clarke’s hips immediately bucked forward at the sound of Lexa's command. Her underwear was so wrecked at this point that she was almost embarrassed. Almost._

_“I want you on your knees in front of me. I want you to taste how fucking drenched I am for you. I want you to fuck me with your tongue until I cum all over your face Lexa.”_

_The blonde knew that she was the one now in control. She could feel Lexa's breathing pick up speed against her ear and the quiet groan that she released._

_“Jesus Clarke your mouth is so fucking dirty.” Lexa turned the girl’s chair around and knelt down in front of the blonde. Slowly taking the blonde's shirt off Lexa locked eyes with dark blue ones. She held the gaze as she discarded the girl's sweats. Lexa could see the obvious wet patch on Clarke's underwear and immediately felt her own wetness pool in her jeans, fuck, she could barely think right now._

_“You okay there, babe?” Clarke smiled knowingly at her girlfriend who was obviously in a daze._

_Lexa felt redness coat her cheeks in embarrassment of getting caught by her girlfriend. No girl had ever made her feel this way. “You're just really damn beautiful. I can't help but be in awe.”_

_Clarke was at a loss for words, even when they were in the midst of heavy foreplay, Lexa managed to make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. “You're amazing.”_

_Deciding that it was time to get back to what they were doing Lexa replied with a cocky, “I know,” pulling her girlfriend closer to her. “And I'm even more amazing with my tongue.” Before Clarke could respond, Lexa bent down and sucked down hard on her clit, causing her to forget what they were even talking about._

_“Holy shit yes.”_

_Lexa licked down the length of Clarke's underwear taking in the heady scent of arousal that was drenched on the cotton fabric._

_“Stop teasing me Lex. I need you inside me - please.” The blonde begged. Her clit was throbbing uncontrollably, she thought she was going to come without even having to take her panties off._

_Without hesitation the brunette ripped the underwear off Clarke and saw how bad her girlfriend was dripping for her. She licked her lips at the site and slowly brought her tongue down to the girl's center._

_“Oh fuck Lexa.” The blonde was already so close to coming and her body was on fire._

_Lexa tasted her girlfriend and hummed at the sweetness of her arousal. Licking up to the girl's clit she made slow circles with her tongue. Clarke moaned loudly at the pleasure that shot through her entire body._

_“Faster! Fuck I need you inside me now Lexa.”_

_Lexa smiled into her girlfriend, loving when she begged her to fuck her. She circled faster and faster around the girl's clit knowing how close Clarke was to finishing._

_“Oh my god I need you to fuck me - please baby -” the blonde's voice was coated with frustration and utter need for a release._

_The brunette kissed slowly down her girlfriend's pussy enjoying how much it drove her crazy. Reaching her center, Lexa circled the entrance and slowly pushed inside. The girl above her letting out the loudest moan yet that sent pangs of arousal straight to her own center. She moved her tongue moved faster and faster inside the blonde._

_Clarke's hands were gripping onto Lexa's hair, her hips grinding Lexa's face mercilessly. Looking down at her girlfriend's tongue inside her and her own come dripping down Lexa's face almost sent the blonde over the edge._

_“You better come for me Clarke. Come on my face.”_

_Her girlfriend's words caused the knot that was deep in her stomach to release and her hips bucked so hard into the brunette's face, “FUCK LEXA.” Clarke screamed out feeling the effects of her orgasm everywhere throughout her body. “Oh my fucking god that felt so good..”_

_Lexa kissed her way up her girlfriend's body until she reached her lips and caught them in a searing kiss letting Clarke taste herself on her tongue. The blonde moaned into Lexa's mouth not expecting her own come to turn her on so much._

_“Well this was way better than studying.” Both girls smiled and giggled lightly as they moved from the chair to the bed. It was going to be a long night._

* * *

 

The door to apartment 13 opened and an exhausted blonde walked into the place. Her day was interesting to say the least, she definitely forgot how exhausting it was walking pretty much everywhere. In Italy she walked a lot but she also rode a moped and come on, it was Italy, it's not like she minded walking.

Walking into the living room Clarke took off her bag and fell onto one of the couches with a heap. “Oh yes I am never leaving you again couchy,” the blonde said out loud to herself, cuddling up with one of the many pillows.

“Did you just call our couch, _couchy_?”

Clarke nearly fell off the couch at the sound of Niylah’s voice coming from the hallway.

“Oh shit sorry did I scare you?”

“I mean yeah I almost had a heart attack but no biggie.” Clarke smiled briefly at the other girl slightly annoyed that her alone time was interrupted.

“I'm sorry you just sounded cute, ya know, talking to the couch and whatnot.” Niylah smiled at the blonde.

Clarke couldn't help but notice how sincere Niylah sounded when she talked to her. It was almost refreshing. The girl in front of her didn't hide herself from Clarke, she made her feelings apparent and that was so different than anything she’d dealt with before. Not to mention how nice it was that she didn't feel confused as hell when she was with her, which was certainly how she felt with a particular brunette. Niylah made things simple for Clarke and that was nice. Maybe Raven was right, she should try this out.

“Hey do you want to go out on a date tomorrow night?” The blonde blurted almost unaware that she asked it out loud.

“Oh! Um...wait, really?” Niylah was beyond confused. She had been getting mixed signals from Clarke all week long and she honestly didn't think that the girl was interested anymore.

“Yes. So do you want to or not?” Clarke may have decided to do this but that didn't mean that it was easy to go through with or ask.

“Yeah! I mean, yes, yes I do.” Trying to hide her excitement, Niylah smiled lightly at her roommate.

“Okay, great. I guess I don't have to ask you where I should pick you up then huh?” Both girls shared a laugh, glad for the comic relief. “I'm gonna go pass out for like a day Nye, but I'll see you tomorrow, around 7?”

“Sounds good Clarke.” Niylah turned to go back to her room and threw her fist into the air. Wow, okay that was cheesy but seriously, she was very surprised at what just happened. She finally had a date with the beautiful blonde.

* * *

 

“Anya pick up your damn phone! I swear to god if I have to leave one more voicemail I will come over to your apartment and kick your -”

“Hello?” The girl on the other line answering nonchalantly.

“I called you like ten times you loser! What kind of best friend are you!?”

“Wow. I'm so offended.” Anya replied sarcastically.

"I seriously hate you sometimes.”

“Good. Loving someone all the time is boring Lex. Okay so what is it that you have to confess to me best friend?”

“You're so weird.”

“Thank you.”

“Ok whatever, I have to talk to you about something and it needs to be in person.”

“Lexa you know I have a strict schedule of not caring and avoiding people. Just tell me now.”

“ANYA! I'm freaking out okay! I really need you!”

The other girl could hear the desperation in her best friend’s voice and decided to cut the asshole crap.

“Woah, woah. Slow down babe. Okay, I'll meet you. Where and when?”

“I'm busy the rest of today and I have classes tomorrow but can we grab dinner tomorrow? Want to meet at that Thai place we always go to at 6:30?”

“Yeah that sounds fine Lex. You're scaring me! Don't do anything dumb between now and then, k?”

“Yeah I'll be fine. I just need to talk to you. Thanks for picking up finally, asshole. You need to hang out with me more or I might just find a new best friend.”

“That will never happen because we are practically sisters and no one can deal with your shit better I can. So stop playin and I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Love you Lex.” Anya smiled into the phone, knowing her friend all too well.

“Love you too I guess.” Lexa rolled her eyes at Anya's cocky attitude.

“That's what I thought.”

The line went dead as Anya ended the call. No matter how much of a sarcastic ass she was, she was Lexa's closest friend and she wouldn't trade her for the world.

* * *

 

Clarke waited outside in the kitchen for Niylah to come out. She had been stuck at school for most of today and a night out honestly sounded good to the blonde. She looked down at her black tight jeans and leather boots she was wearing, hopefully this wasn't too casual, she hadn't dressed for a date in such a long time. When she asked Niylah out she wasn't even really thinking about it, the question just kind of came out. Clarke sighed to herself as she realized that she hadn't even picked out a restaurant yet. Wow what a great date I am. Why the hell did Niylah like her so much?

The sound of heels approaching on the wood floor brought the blonde out of her thoughts. Her roommate walked out into the kitchen and Clarke was honestly taken aback by the girl. She obviously put a lot of work into her simple yet elegant outfit. The girl had on a simple cream colored dress that reached down to her knees and a maroon leather jacket. Her long dirty blonde hair fell down in occasional braids that framed her face nicely, showing off the symmetry in her bone structure. The girl looked good and Clarke was suddenly regretting not putting more effort into this date.

“Wow, Nye, you look great.”

“Thank you. So do you, Clarke.” The girl awkwardly stood there waiting for the blonde to get up from the stool where she was sitting.

Feeling the awkward tension Clarke tried to speed up this conversation, “So I actually didn't exactly have a specific restaurant in mind for tonight, do you know of anywhere good that's close by?”

“Hmm. Actually, yeah! I just found this place that's only about five blocks from here if you're cool with trusting my food taste.” The girl chuckled.

“Yeah that sounds perfect,” the blonde sent a warm smile towards Niylah and made her way to the door. “You first pretty lady,” she said holding the door open for the taller girl.

“Wow, so polite of you Clarke Griffin. Who would've known?”

“Are you saying that I'm not polite??” The blonde gasped dramatically holding a hand to her heart. “That cuts real deep Nye.”

The taller girl laughed at this side of Clarke. This is why she started having feelings for the girl. Of course, her looks may have had something to do with it as well, but she loved this carefree side of the blonde - she didn't always show it and Niylah knew that something had happened in the past that caused her to hold onto the sadness she saw in Clarke's eyes. She still didn't know what happened but she had a feeling it had to do with Lexa. The girl frowned at the thought of Clarke's ex. She better not screw this up for her.

* * *

 

Walking into the restaurant, Clarke and Niylah are greeted by a short older lady and lead to a darker corner of the restaurant where they are seated. The restaurant is filled with the delicious smell of various types of curries and spices floating around the room. A loud grumbling sound erupted from Clarke's stomach and her cheeks reddened with embarrassment.

“Wow I didn't even realize how hungry I am. This place looks amazing Nye how'd you find it?”

“Yeah this restaurant incredible. My friend from drama class recommended it to me, I was searching for some good Thai restaurants because I haven't found a favorite yet here in this area. But I think this one takes the cake. Takes the curry? Is it weird to say _cake_ in a Thai restaurant?”

“Wow you're seriously a bigger dork than I am.” Clarke laughed loudly at the expression on the girl's face. “What? Don't look sad, I'm a dork too.” She smiled and Niylah perked up.

“Okay well I guess it's okay then.” She leaned over and took the blonde's hand in hers, “thanks for asking me out tonight Clarke.”

Clarke felt a little weird having her hand in Niylah's, sex was one thing, but holding hands was a completely different arena. She quickly pulled her hand away, feeling the anxiety start to take over and needing to retreat from these uneasy feelings. “Yeah well I just thought that we have this kind of weird thing going on and maybe it would be a good idea to see how it goes on a date.”

Niylah's eyes fell to the table as Clarke pulled away from her but she quickly hid her disappointment and made eye contact with the blonde. “Well, I'm glad you asked.” Wanting to switch topics since obviously the blonde was overwhelmed by what was happening, Niylah looked down at the menu. “I have no idea what to get, there are so many options.”

Thankful for the change of pace in their conversation Clarke let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah! I don't know I'm so hungry I could literally eat anything right now." 

* * *

 

“Table for 2! Lexa!”

Lexa had met her best friend at the Thai Chili House and could not wait to be seated, this place was the best Thai restaurant in New York and the best part was that it was so close to her apartment.

“Okay loser, spill.”

“Wow you never waste any time do you?”

“Lexa this place has the best food and if you're not done talking by the time it's here I'm afraid that you will be speaking to yourself for the rest of the night because I'll be busy stuffing my face. And if you don't know that already then I'm offended to call you my friend.” The girl said in a serious tone looking down at the menu.

“Okay, fair point. Anya I don't even know where the fuck to start. These past two weeks have probably been the worst two weeks of my life, and that's seriously not an understatement.”

“Jesus Lex what'd ya do now? I can never leave you by yourself can I?”

“No interrupting. I need to get this out. Okay so you know how you basically created my Facebook page so pretty much all of the pictures on there are of you?”

“Yeah…Is this some catfish shit? I do not have time for this Lex.”

“No!! Listen! So I was looking for housing right and I went on the NYU housing page. There was this girl named Niylah who messaged me about her apartment so I agreed to live there and I signed the lease before I even saw the place, which I know is stupid, but I was desperate. So I get there and I meet my roommate which ended up being pretty awkward because she thought I was a stranger. Your pictures on Facebook confused her and she thought I was like robbing her or something. Anyway, we eventually worked things out and I end up really liking the place but then when I start to get comfortable, guess who walks in.”

“I don't know, Angelina Jolie?? Ooh that would be some hot shit. Living with Angelina. Damn.”

Lexa snapped her fingers in front of her friend, “Anya! Focus damn it.”

“Sorry, got caught up in the fantasy.” The blonde smiled to herself at the thought.

“Raven.”

“What? Who?”

“RAVEN! Raven, Anya!!”

“Clarke's Raven? How?!”

“Exactly. I fucking freaked. I fainted when she came in and started yelling at me. So yeah, I live with Raven. Aaaand that's not all.”

“Oh my god, no. Wait. No it can't be...”

“Yeah.”

“Holy SHIT Lex!”

“You're telling me! I fucking live with her Anya. How the fuck does that happen?”

“Woooow. Oh my god. Wow you weren't kidding on the phone. I'm sorry I didn't pick up sooner Lex. How are you handling it so far?”

“Hmm let me think, I'm not. It's driving me insane. And the worst part is that Clarke hates my guts. She hates me. She slapped me Anya.”

“She slapped you?! Well I would be pissed at her for slapping my best friend but you kind of deserve it.”

“I know..”

“That's still not cool though. So are you going to move out?”

“I don't think I can. I signed the lease! I'm pretty much stuck there and it's not like I have anywhere else to go anyway.”

“Well then how is it living with her? Do you two talk? I mean obviously you two have talked since she slapped you.”

“We've had some run-ins…” Lexa looked down awkwardly at the table trying to avoid Anya's stare.

“What are you not telling me Lex..?” The blonde eyed her friend suspiciously. She was acting weirder than normal which is understandable considering the situation, but still.

“Um. Well she kind of has a thing with our roommate.”

“Who?? That Niylee girl?”

“It's Niylah, and yeah. I caught them having sex..”

“What!? Are you fucking serious?” Anya was so busy freaking out over what her friend had said that she didn't notice the tears streaming down Lexa's face. “Oh Lex...babe come here, come on this side of the booth.” She scooted over making room for her friend. Lexa sat down next to her and buried her face into Anya's arms. “Hey, hey it's gonna be okay. You'll be okay.” The older girl ran her hands through the brunette's hair trying to calm Lexa down.

The waiter had come to their table several times but Anya kept shooing them away, continuing to hold her friend. “Hey love, are you ready to eat?” The girl asked kissing Lexa on the top of her head hoping she was hungry, Anya was on the verge of eating her napkin she was so hungry. She felt the girl nod her head and silently cheered inside. “I love you okay? And I know I'm an asshole but you can always stay with me whenever you can't handle being there.”

“Thanks Anya. I'm glad you’re only kind of an asshole right now.” The brunette cracked a smile at her friend laughing when Anya threw her napkin at her face. “Let's order!”

The two girls were currently stuffing their faces with food when they looked up toward the entrance, hearing a familiar voice. Fuck. Of course out of all the restaurants Clarke could go to, she chose this one.

“You okay?” She heard Anya ask from across the table.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I can handle it, I mean I live with her right? I should be able to handle it.” She said trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

Lexa turned back to her food when she glanced up and saw that Clarke was not alone. Who was behind her? No. No. No. Why was she here? She threw her fork down on the plate and frowned at the way Niylah smiled at Clarke. She could feel the anger seeping out of her pores.

“Woah. Um Lex, what the hell is going on? Why do you look like that..?”

“She's with _her_.”

“Niylah?”

“Yeah. Her.”

“Do you want to leave? We can go back to mine and just chill.”

“I'm fine.” Lexa gritted out from clenched teeth.

“Okay well if we stay here you need to calm down. You look like you're going to murder someone and it is not cute.”

“How can she go on a date Anya? I never actually thought she had feelings for Niylah! Look at them! They're holding hands…” Lexa had to look away from her two roommates. She thought that Clarke was just trying to get back at her she never expected her to fall for the girl.

“Lex don't overthink this, Niylah probably asked Clarke out and Clarke is just being nice. Stop jumping to conclusions. Come on let's get out of here.”

Lexa eyed Clarke making her way to the back of the restaurant. “She's going to the back Anya. There are bathrooms back there and I need to talk to her right now. Just wait here, please.” She looked over to her friend with such sadness in her eyes that Anya couldn't argue.

“Don't do anything stupid Lex. I'll be here waiting.”

“Thank you.”

Lexa got up quickly from her booth and followed Clarke down the dark hall and to the right where the bathrooms were. She caught up to the blonde before she went in and grabbed her wrist. “What the hell?! Who are y-”

“Clarke, it's me.”

“Lexa! What are you doing here?” Clarke was caught off guard by seeing her ex. She was the last person she thought she'd see here. Why the hell was she grabbing her arm?

“I came here with Anya.” The brunette spoke quietly, almost too quiet for Clarke to hear.

“Anya’s here?” The blonde questioned nervously. Her anxiety was coming back in full force again. Clarke noticed that the brunette was still holding her arm and she hadn't pulled away from her like she did Niylah. Why was it always different with Lexa? Why was she never able to resist her? The past week flashed by in her mind and she was reminded of why she was so angry at the girl. A waiter from the restaurant made his way down the hall attempting to pass the two girls and Clarke took the opportunity to pull her arm away and open the bathroom door. “Lexa leave me alone.” She walked through the door and noticed that the dark room was a one person bathroom. When she tried to close the door on the brunette, the girl managed to push her way in and the door shut behind them.

Lexa's heart was pounding. She was so blind with jealousy that nothing else mattered but talking to Clarke and being next to Clarke, no matter how much she knew the girl hated her. She closed the door behind them, reaching behind Clarke and locking the door. She moved closer to the blonde, positioning herself so Clarke was forced to lean against the bathroom door. Lexa reached out and grabbed the girl’s hand but Clarke pulled away.

“You need to get out Lexa.” Clarke swallowed hard. Her hands were sweaty and she was struggling to keep her walls up.

“Why did you agree to go on a date with her?” Lexa tried to hide the emotion from her voice but she knew that Clarke could hear it.

“Why do you care? And I didn't agree to it, I asked her out.” Clarke looked the girl in front of her up and down. She didn't know what Lexa was thinking but she knew that she was angry.

“You asked her out?” Lexa looked up into the blonde's eyes, her face etched with a hurt look that she couldn't hide.

Clarke was taken back by Lexa's reaction. “I thought that it didn't bother you what I did?”

“Well I guess that's that then. I'll leave Clarke.” Lexa went to step around the blonde but was stopped by a hand on her arm. She looked down with surprise -

“Lexa, wait.” Clarke didn't know what she was doing or why she was doing it but it's like her body took over and had to stop the girl from leaving.

“Do you like her Clarke?” Lexa took a step toward the blonde, their faces inches away from each other.

“Why? Tell me why you care. Tell me that it bothered you when you heard us fucking on the couch that night Lexa.” Clarke spoke harshly, never breaking eye contact with the girl in front of her.

“Is that what you want from me Clarke? To tell you that I'm jealous? Are you really that naive to think that what you're doing doesn't bother me?! And you tell me I'm the fucked up one but there you were with Niylah, fucking on the couch where you very well knew that I could have seen you or heard you! And you kissed her on purpose in front of me to piss me off?” Lexa was so angry at the blonde she couldn't even think straight.

“Then why the fuck did you say that it didn't bother you Lexa?? Why did you lie to me?”

“Because I fucked up when I left you Clarke and I couldn't be the one to stop you from being happy now.” Lexa confessed, hanging her head to avoid the blonde's gaze.

“You're stopping me _now_! You came back here to ask me why I'm on a date with Niylah. Why is it different now than it was last week?” Clarke looked away from Lexa wanting so badly to shove her away and walk out of the bathroom. She made her so fucking mad, she had no right to control her.

“You never answered my question Clarke. Do you like Niylah? Yes or no.”

Clarke could feel the brunette's breath on her face. She could see the darkened pupils that were taking over green. “I don't need to tell you Lexa.” Her body was starting to heat up and she felt like she needed to get out of the room.

Lexa could feel Clarke react to her body being so close. “It's an easy question Clarke, why are you avoiding it?” She moved her face closer to the blonde's, making sure that she saw her lick her lips.

“I- I don't know Lexa.” Clarke could almost feel Lexa's lips on hers, they were so close.

“I don't think you do. I think you still have feelings for me Clarke.”

Clarke snapped at that. She shoved Lexa away and pinned her against the opposite wall in the bathroom. “Don't fucking tell me how I feel Lexa! You don't have that right!”

“Tell me it's not true and I'll leave right now Clarke.” Lexa watched the blonde’s eyes flicker down to her lips.

“I can’t do that...”

Lexa barely heard the words that were coming out of the blonde's mouth, crashing her lips against Clarke's and reveling in how good the blonde tasted against her lips. She brought her hands up to blonde curls pulling her face closer to her own - desperate to feel every part of Clarke. The blonde bit down on Lexa's bottom lip and she moaned loudly into the room feeling every part of her body come alive.

Clarke didn't know what was happening, but she really did not care. She couldn't stop her lips from moving against Lexa's, it felt so fucking good. She licked the brunette's bottom lip asking for entrance and Lexa opened her mouth to let her tongue in. Clarke moaned deeply into Lexa's mouth feeling a familiar wetness pool in between her legs, something she hadn't quite felt with Niylah. She grabbed the brunette's wrists and pinned them above her head against the wall, her hips grinding into Lexa's.

Feeling Clarke take control of the situation, Lexa tilted her head back leaving her neck exposed. The blonde took notice of Lexa's submission and licked her way slowly up from the girl's collarbone to her neck sucking hard on the tanned flesh. “Clarke…” Lexa could barely form words. She moved one of her legs so that Clarke's leg was pushing up against her center that was aching to be touched. “Oh fuck…” The girl whispered letting her head fall back against the wall and grinding down hard on Clarke's leg.

“Are you wet for me?” Clarke couldn't stop herself from saying those words. Seeing Lexa grind down on her leg without mercy, head thrown back in ecstasy, was one the most erotic things she could imagine.

“Fuck Clarke I'm so wet.” Lexa was so close to coming but she needed more friction against her clit. She angled her hips down so her clit was grinding directly on Clarke's leg. “Oh shit I'm gonna come soon.”

Clarke could feel her impending orgasm get closer the more Lexa moaned and bit down on her lip from screaming. Lexa was the most beautiful person Clarke has ever seen and seeing her unravel in front of her own eyes turned her on beyond belief. The blonde captured Lexa's lips between her own sucking lightly on the girl's bottom lip, “come with me Lex”, Clarke whispered against the brunette's bruised lips.

Lexa heard Clarke whisper those words and thought it the sexiest and most tender command the blonde had ever said to her. She pushed her lips against Clarke's, “I'm gonna come...oh fuck I'm coming Clarke!” She ground her hips down on the blonde's leg and felt her clit pulse so hard. The two girls pushed against each other's lips moaning into one another's mouths to stop from screaming out in pleasure. “Fuck Lex…” Clarke whispered against Lexa's ear. They breathed hard against one another basking in each other's presence. Lexa buried her head into the girl's neck and kissed Clarke's pulse point earning a satisfied hum from the blonde in response.

Hearing a loud knocking coming from the door jolted the girls out of their bliss like state. They both jumped away from one another and remembered exactly where they were.

“Clarke! Are you okay? You've been in here for awhile.” Niylah called from outside the door.

“Shit…” The blonde whispered.

“I'm fine! I'll be out in a sec I think I just ate something bad.” She yelled back to the girl on the other side. She felt terrible. How could she do that to Niylah.

“Oh okay I'm sorry! Well we can go home after you come out. I'll wait for you by the table.” Clarke waited a second until she was sure that the girl was gone.

“I need to go.” The blonde stated, trying not to look directly into the green eyes that had just caused her to come undone.

“Yeah.” Lexa didn't know how to feel in this moment. She wanted Clarke, she always wanted Clarke but now things were a little beyond complicated. She walked to the mirror not looking at the blonde by the door. She turned slowly whispering in the blonde's direction, "I'm sorry Clarke. I'm sorry I left you. I wish I could take it all back.”

She could hear the girl's soft cries but she couldn't bring herself to face her. After a long minute, Lexa turned back but when she went to look at the blonde's face, the girl slipped out from the bathroom and back into the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahhhhh I had to make it sad, sorry y'all. Angst happens. Poor Niylah...but clexa is always endgame and we all know that. Hope you liked this chapter though :) comment with your thoughts guys!


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